House Hacking: How to Share Your Home Without Losing Your Mind

Although you might not realize it, house hacking is an extremely old concept. It’s been dusted off and given a new name in recent years, but in its purest form, it has been around forever.

So what is it, exactly? And why has it risen so dramatically in popularity?

For many homeowners, the answer is fairly simple: owning a home has become increasingly difficult to carry alone, while unused bedrooms, finished basements, guesthouses, and separate units represent potential income. Rental platforms have also made it easier for homeowners and renters to find one another, whether they’re looking for a place for a weekend, a few months, or several years.

But long before there were rental platforms, people took in boarders, shared multi-generational homes, rented rooms to students, and divided large houses into smaller living spaces. House hacking is simply a new name for an old and practical idea: using part of the property you own to offset the cost of owning it.

That’s exactly how I found my way into it.

When I got divorced in 2013 and moved into the home that was left to me after my father’s passing, I was suddenly without my financially better half and solely responsible for the mortgage I’d also inherited.

Now, was it a huge mortgage? Not really. But to me at the time, it was a monster.

In my post-divorce rebirth, I had committed to making a living through art. One day, during a conversation with my real estate investor uncle, he told me:

“Erika, you’re going to be an artist?! You have a three-bedroom house. You don’t need three bedrooms. You need stability and income. You need some housemates.”

I didn’t want to believe him. But after blowing through my tiny savings and maxing out every card I had on bills and art supplies, I had to at least give his advice a try.

Fast-forward to 2026: I’m still sharing my home and have pretty much mastered the art of it. I’ve even coached people on how to replicate my success, which is part of the reason for this post.

I want to clear up some confusion, explain what has worked for me, and lay out a few basic considerations so you can give this a real, honest think before deciding whether to try it yourself.

It’s a beautiful thing when done correctly.

So, let’s dive in.

What IS House Hacking?

First, what’s the difference between having housemates and house hacking? They’re basically cousins- maybe even siblings. The subtle difference is that one is a housing arrangement, while the other is an ownership strategy.

Let’s use the classic example of New York City. Everyone seems to have lived with a roommate at some point, right? But how many of those people owned the apartment? None that I’ve ever known.

And that’s the difference.

When two renters share an apartment, they are dividing a rent payment. When a homeowner brings in a housemate, that income helps offset the costs of owning and operating the property.

The person renting the room is still your roommate, housemate, or flatmate. The house-hacking part describes what you, the owner, are doing financially.

You can house hack in all sorts of ways. You might rent: a bedroom in your home, a finished basement, an accessory dwelling unit, or ADU, one side of a duplex, a guesthouse or cottage, even part of your home as a short- or mid-term rental

The arrangement might last for a weekend, several months, or several years. What works will depend on the property, your comfort level, and the laws where you live.

Playing by The Rules

If your zoning says that no more than four unrelated people can live in a single-family dwelling and you’re trying to cram in six, I’m talking to you. If local law says no short-term rentals in non-owner-occupied properties, but you decide to live out of state for half the year and rent your whole house on Airbnb while you’re away, I’m talking to you, too.

There are plenty of township-friendly ways to house hack, and I trust you will find them. Just stay inside the lines, please.

When I first started renting rooms, Airbnb was about five years old. It was well established and becoming a mainstream way of finding interesting and affordable places to stay.

The nearest hotel to my house is twenty minutes away, and the true B&Bs in the area tend to become fully booked during the warmer months. So I decided to list a spare room in hopes of making a little weekend cash.

I had great success and met some amazing people. I shared the listing on Facebook and asked friends to send their visiting family members and out-of-town guests my way.

Within a week, I received a cease-and-desist letter from the township zoning officer stating that I needed to stop operating my illegal bed-and-breakfast.

Scared and confused, I called the number on the letter to clear up the misunderstanding. I was definitely not running a traditional bed-and-breakfast, despite the name of the website I was using.

The sweet older man who answered heard me out as I explained that Airbnb was not actually a website exclusively for traditional B&Bs. It was also used by ordinary homeowners who had a spare room to rent.

After explaining all of that, I confirmed:

Me: “So, I’m allowed to rent out rooms?”

Zoning officer: “Sure.”

Me: “Okay, great. Glad to hear it.”

Zoning officer: “But you can’t use that website.”

Me: “But I just explained that the site isn’t for bed-and-breakfasts.”

Zoning officer: “I know, but it’s in the title.”

Me: Silent and stunned.

Zoning officer: “You know, you can call the company and ask them to change the website’s name. They can do that. Try it.”

And with that, I knew exactly what I was dealing with.

I thanked him for his time and the clarity, hung up, and shook my head at the idea that a nationally known company might change its name and URL at the request of the zoning officer in a little town of 1,200 people.

Then I simply took down the listing.

A few years later, that sweet- albeit out-of-touch- zoning officer died. I had subsequent conversations with other members of the local government, including the mayor himself, who confirmed that I was, in fact, permitted to use Airbnb as long as the property remained owner-occupied and my neighbors weren’t complaining.

The point is not that you should wait for your zoning officer to die.

The point is that pushing local officials is usually not worth it when there are other perfectly reasonable ways to accomplish the same goal.

During the years when I refused to ask Airbnb to change its name, I simply listed my room on Facebook Marketplace and connected with people that way.

Those years taught me all sorts of lessons, which have made me the house-hacking master who types before you.

Now, back to where we were before that side tangent.

Who Rents A Room?

The answer is: all kinds of people.

I’ve seen nearly as many reasons for someone to rent a room as I’ve seen stars in the sky. Here are a few common ones, plus a fun one or two:

• Moving to the area for a job

• Trying out a separation or becoming newly divorced

• Being temporarily displaced while a damaged home is repaired

• Exploring the area before buying

• Studying or completing professional training locally

• Needing a new place because their current rental is being sold

• Accepting a temporary work assignment

• Caring for a family member nearby

• Training their horse with a local Olympic trainer

• Having their house blow up, literally, and needing somewhere to live while its being rebuiltt

Now tell me: Do any of those sound like the circumstances of interesting, dynamic people you’d like to share at least a cup of coffee with?

Contrary to popular belief, not everyone renting a room is broke, unstable, or incapable of getting their own apartment. Many are simply in transition and don’t want to sign a long lease, furnish an entire home, or take on more space than they need.

Sometimes they’re looking for flexibility. Sometimes they’re looking for simplicity. Sometimes they just need a nice place to land while they figure out what comes next.

The Vetting Process

Before you get skeeved out by the idea of living with a stranger, remember that if you get to know people well enough beforehand, they may not feel like strangers at all by the time they move in.

So how do you get to know someone you hope to share your home with? To be honest, it’s a little like dating or looking for the right job fit.

It takes honesty, asking questions, relaying expectations, being open about quirks and habits, knowing yourself, finding shared values, and making sure the practical terms work for everyone.

I personally came up with a five-step process that I love.

At the beginning, I let people know that if, at any step, they feel like this isn’t for them, they can back out with no hard feelings. The same goes for me. This needs to be a 100% yes on both sides if we’re going to feel confident that it will work long term.

Step 1: A Phone Call

You can tell a lot about a person from a simple phone call.

This is where you begin to discover whether your communication styles match. Do you understand each other easily? Does the conversation flow? Do they answer questions comfortably? Do they seem curious about you and the home? There is no universally right or wrong way to be here. It’s simply a matter of whether things flow.

You can also use the call to cover the basics:

• The rent

• The location

• The general household dynamic

• The intended move-in date

• The expected length of stay

• Whether the room is furnished

• Whether pets are allowed

• Any major deal-breakers

There is no point in arranging a tour if one person wants to stay for six weeks with three dogs and the other is offering a pet-free room for at least a year.

Step 2: A Visit to the House

Assuming the call went at least 50% okay, I give people a chance to come by and see the house. This is another opportunity to see how your energy matches, but also to observe a few practical things.

Are they respectful of your home and belongings? Do they seem comfortable walking around? Do they like the place? Do they feel at home? Was the drive too far now that they’ve actually made it?

They’re assessing you, too.

Does the room look like the photos? Does the house feel clean and safe? Do the rules seem reasonable? Can they picture themselves living there?

During this visit, be sure to show them everything they will have access to. Explain where things are and how to use anything that might not be intuitive.

Don’t hide the inconvenient parts. If four people share one bathroom, say that. If the laundry is in the basement, show them. If parking sometimes requires people to coordinate their cars, explain it now.

The goal is not to sell someone on the house at any cost. The goal is to make sure both people understand what they’re agreeing to.

Step 3: A Lifestyle Questionnaire

This can be five questions or 50, depending on who you are and how closely you’ll be living alongside one another.

I like to ask a lot of questions so I can understand how someone might treat the house, what their lifestyle is like, and which amenities they will probably use most.

Questions might cover:

• Work schedule

• Work-from-home habits (this may bump up utilities)

• Sleeping hours and sensitivities (I live along a main road, if you’re a light sleeper you probably won’t be happy here unless you buy a sound machine)

• Cooking frequency (will the house always smell like red meat?)

• Cleaning habits

• Smoking

• Guests and overnight visitors

• Noise preferences

• Parking needs (Someone once wanted a spot for their tractor, work truck, and daily driver)

• Comfort around pets (or allergies to them- maybe you dont have a cat now but plan to get one)

• Hobbies that require space or equipment

• Preferred level of social interaction

These questions should reflect what is genuinely important to you. The better you understand your own routines, preferences, and irritations, the better you’ll be able to determine whether this is someone you can comfortably live with or whether they’ll drive you crazy.

I create my questionnaire online through Jotform and use mostly multiple-choice answers to make it clear and easy to complete.

I also make it clear that the questionnaire is not a rental agreement. It is for consideration for shared living only. Their answers will remain private, and I ask that they respond honestly. The point is not to trap anyone in their answers. It is to reveal incompatibilities before either one of us is living with them.

Step 4: A Background and Credit Check

This is the first time the person has to spend any money during my process, and it is one way of making sure they are serious about their interest.

When someone has to put money toward something, they tend to become more committed to the process. And if there is anything in their history they feel needs context, this is usually when they bring it up rather than risk having me discover it on the report with no explanation.

A credit score alone does not tell you whether someone will be a considerate housemate. It is simply one piece of the picture, along with income, references, communication, lifestyle, and your own experience of the person.

I use SmartMove through TransUnion, which has worked well for me.

Step 5: Calling References

Provided that the background and credit check come back without serious concerns, I move on to the final step: calling references.

I ask for three, although I usually reach only one or two.

Ideally, at least one person can speak to their character and how the person behaves in a home. Did they pay when they said they would? Were they respectful? Did they communicate when something went wrong? Did they leave the place in decent condition?

In truth, if I’m calling your references, we probably already have your move-in tentatively scheduled.

This is simply my last opportunity to confirm that the person I’ve gotten to know is reasonably consistent with how other people experience them and that they’re not an axe murderer in their spare time.

My Approach to Agreements

This is where I should tell you that you need a detailed lease spelling out every possible rule, consequence, contingency, and theoretical future offense, but for live-in housemates, I don’t do that.

For a separate apartment, ADU, or cottage, I absolutely understand the value of a lease. In that situation, someone is renting a distinct residence from you, and the relationship is much more traditionally landlord and tenant, but for someone sharing my actual home with me, I operate differently.

I have always believed that a contract is only as good as the two people who sign it. A dishonest, inconsiderate person does not suddenly become honest and considerate because their signature appears at the bottom of twelve pages. And a decent person who respects their word usually does not need twelve pages to remind them how to behave. So, for live-in housemates, I use what I call a “you pay, you stay” arrangement.

We discuss the expected length of their stay, but I don’t want to hold anyone hostage to a life they no longer want and I appreciate the same in return. People get new jobs. Relationships change. Family members need them. Better opportunities appear. Sometimes a person simply realizes the arrangement no longer works for them.

If someone needs to leave earlier than we originally discussed, I ask that they honor their word by letting me know as soon as they can, and I offer them the same humanity in return. The arrangement remains friendly and flexible because that is the type of home I want to live in.

That informality works because I do far more relational vetting than many traditional landlords do. I am not simply handing someone keys because their credit score is high and their paycheck is large enough.

I am taking the time to determine whether we communicate well, whether our lifestyles are compatible, and whether we both seem like people who will behave reasonably when circumstances change.

Of course, whatever you choose to call your arrangement, know the laws that apply where you live. My method is a description of how I operate, not a magical phrase that makes legal rights disappear. What I can say is that keeping the environment friendly, communicative, and flexible has allowed me to resolve every incompatibility without ever needing to use legal methods to make someone leave.

That is not because no difficult or baffling people have ever entered my home. It is because I do nearly all of the hard work before they move in and because when something stops working, I address it like one human being speaking to another.

The First Days

Yay! You’ve got yourself a housemate.

Welcome to house hacking.

Remember, though, that this person is new to your home and will need some guidance. They probably don’t want to mess anything up, but they also want to feel comfortable.

Address little things as they come up, before confusion has time to become a habit… or resentment.

For example, my house has only one bathroom. If the door is closed, we assume it’s in use. Our rule is therefore to do the opposite of the usual bathroom etiquette and leave the door open when you’re finished.

That habit can take time to remember, so I let people know in advance that the first few days may include little how-tos and reminders about the house.

The same may be true for:

• Learning where kitchen items belong

• Understanding the recycling system

• Coordinating parking

• Locking a temperamental door

• Using an older appliance

• Knowing which foods or supplies are shared

• Understanding the pets’ routines

• Learning when the house is usually quiet

A reminder is not a reprimand. Most new housemates are simply learning a system that feels obvious to you because you’ve lived with it for years.

Communication

It goes without saying that you’ll need to talk to each other. Ideally, you’ll enjoy this and it will feel friendly. But even if you don’t become close friends, you’ll still need to relay information to one another. I prefer texts for clarity and easy reference, along with a house group chat when more than two people are living together.

The group chat can be used for simple things like:

• “I have a guest coming over.”

• “The plumber will be here at ten.”

• “I moved your car so I could get out.”

• “We’re almost out of toilet paper.”

• “I’ll be away this weekend.”

• “The cat got into your room.”

• “Does anyone know whose food this is?”

I also like to check in after the first week and again after the first month to ask whether anything feels confusing, uncomfortable, or different from what was expected and to see how they’re settling in.

Small problems are much easier to resolve before someone has been silently annoyed for six months.

When It Isn’t Working

Let’s say you’re not feeling the vibe with someone. Or worse, they’ve moved in and, after some time, it just isn’t working. There are kind and fair ways to let someone know that it may be time to part ways.

Sometimes habits are incompatible. Sometimes lifestyles don’t match. Sometimes values clash.

And sometimes someone uses an entire roll of toilet paper every day.

I once had a housemate who, on paper, seemed like he would be the most responsible, quiet, perfect person to live with. And he was, truly. Except for one habit that left me completely puzzled… He used an entire roll of toilet paper each day.

I noticed this within the first week and asked whether there was some alternative use for it that could be supplemented with tissues or another product. My concern was not really the cost of the toilet paper. My concern was that all of it was being flushed down the plumbing system of my 100-year-old home every single day.

He said he would be happy to buy replacement toilet paper and contribute more, which I gratefully accepted, but I explained again that the real concern was the plumbing.

Within the next week, I noticed that he was no longer using the toilet paper stored in the bathroom cabinet. Instead, he was hoarding rolls in his bedroom and continuing to flush the same amount.

I mentioned that I had noticed the habit had not changed and asked him, again, to please make the correction. He admitted that this had been an issue before in other living situations, but that he could not seem to shake the habit. Seeming like we were at least on the same page, I gave it another week.

But with concern for my one bathroom surviving long enough to support the rest of us, I finally let him know that this was not an issue that could be resolved unless he stopped using that much toilet paper. He was going to have to choose between following the rules that allowed the house to support all of us or moving out.

He chose to keep the habit and move out by the end of the month. It was bizarre. But we ended things amicably and agreeably.

No screaming. No threats. No twelve-page lease being slammed onto the kitchen table. We simply reached a point where his needs- or compulsions, or whatever was happening there- were incompatible with the needs of the house.

That story is unusual, but the basic lesson is not.

Sometimes a person can be responsible, kind, quiet, financially stable, and still have one habit that makes them impossible for you to live with.

Be Honest

Some issues can be worked through with communication. Other times, it is better to be open about the fact that this simply is not a match.

“I don’t think this is working for either of us” is a perfectly reasonable place to begin.

I want the person living with me to be somewhere they feel comfortable, too. If my rules, routines, pets, personality, or expectations are too different from the way they naturally want to live, neither one of us needs to be the villain. We simply misjudged the match.

Don’t Rush

If you’re still interviewing someone and you’re not 100% sure they’re a fit, give the process more time.

Maybe you need to get to know each other a little better, or maybe it’s you who is being a little weird and off-putting. Either way, more time will give both of you a chance to assess the situation.

A vacant room for a few more weeks is usually easier than living with someone you already suspected was a bad fit.

Be Clear

House rules are house rules for a reason, and sometimes you need to explain the reason before someone can understand why the rule matters.

My concern about the toilet paper was not that someone was taking more than their fair share of a household paper supply. It was that decades-old plumbing has limits, and everyone in the home depended on that one bathroom continuing to function.

If someone understands the reason and still chooses not to respect the rule, it may be time to give them the option of finding another place to live. Whenever possible, I let the person participate in deciding what happens next…

“How soon would you like to move out?”

Some people want to leave immediately. Others may need until the end of the month. I try to offer reasonable flexibility because moving is hard and finding somewhere new takes time.

Be Fair

If things don’t work out at any stage of the process, wish people well and try to end on good terms.

Give back whatever money is fairly owed. Don’t invent damage because you are angry. Don’t use someone’s deposit as punishment for deciding you no longer like them.

Whether you treat people like customers, housemates, tenants, or friends, they will probably talk about you after they leave.

Make sure they have good things to say.

So, Is House Hacking Right for You?

It might be.

People become so worried about living with other people that they forget how nice living with people can be.

But house hacking is not right for everyone.

It may not be a good fit if you need complete privacy, dislike direct communication, struggle to set boundaries, or resent sharing your space. Because you will be sharing it.

This isn’t a guest who disappears when you want the kitchen to yourself. They live there. Their food will be in the fridge, their shoes by the door, their laundry in the machine when you need it.

There will be more wear on the house, higher utility costs, and occasional inconveniences. Vacancies, repairs, and personality conflicts are part of the deal. You have to decide whether the income, support, companionship, and flexibility are worth the trade-offs.

For me, they have been.

Living with good people adds a kind of everyday richness that’s hard to replicate alone. There’s comfort in having someone to talk to, and over time those small interactions can grow into real friendships and shared routines. Responsibilities feel lighter when they’re shared, and there’s reassurance in knowing someone else is looking out for the home. It can make your space feel more secure, more active, and less isolating. At its best, house hacking creates a built-in sense of community (something many people are missing) and brings a little more warmth and connection into daily life.

I’ve had so many wonderful housemates over the years, and many of them still come back to visit and socialize with other housemates, both current and past. It’s a vibe I’ve created here- a culture, if you will.

That culture doesn’t happen accidentally. It comes from how you live, what you value, what you tolerate, what you contribute, and the people you invite into the home.

Ask yourself what kind of culture you already foster at home and among your friends. That will eventually become your home’s house-hacking brand.

Successful house hacking isn’t just about finding someone who can pay the rent. It’s about finding someone who belongs within the particular culture of your home.

Here, we’re eco-friendly, creatively minded, health-conscious, tidy professionals who prefer a habit-free, low-drama home.

Maybe your vibe is sports-lovin’, beer-drinkin’, live-band-lovin’, BBQin’ partiers.

That’s okay, too.

Just choose like-minded people to live with you, because I can promise you: Someone like me would drive you crazy.

When You’re “On It”: The Practice I Forgot I Needed

When I was nineteen and worked at Landmark Education, it was literally in our job description to have a great life. I’m not kidding. It was part of our performance reviews.

Cynics will find a way for this to sound like an awful and impossible measuring tool but I can tell you first hand that working somewhere where part of your job is to have a great life and support people in having the same is… well… it’s pretty rad.

The Practice

Another part of our protocol was that if we were ever disempowered, grumbly, mentally stuck, distracted, or emotionally off in a way we couldn’t shake, we were supposed to stop what we were doing, get someone to cover our desk, and go talk to our supervisor.

We called the negativity “being On It.”

Talking to someone was “getting in communication.”

The resolution was “getting off it.”

The point wasn’t to analyze yourself into oblivion. It wasn’t therapy. It wasn’t venting for the sake of venting. It was a beautifully simple, non-over-engineered, practice for identifying whatever was running you, saying the thing honestly, and clearing enough mental and emotional space to return to what really matters.

Why It Worked

The beauty of the routine was that you started to learn the difference between ordinary mind chatter and the thoughts that were actually hijacking you.

Some thoughts pass through. Others troll your entire psyche. They bounce from head to chest to stomach, running laps around your nervous system, launching kickspins in your gut (or is that one just me), and demanding your attention until you finally deal with them.

I would love to go more into the weeds about how all of this really works, so you can use the practice too, but I’ll over simplify it by saying that you need:

A committed listener (who will stand for the bigger picture of what you say you want), with no judgment (truly, even if they have a negative thought about your stuff it won’t cloud their listening of you), and a willingness to say the thing you do not want to say (yes, that means being authentically open and honest).

Sometimes getting off it required an action: making a phone call, apologizing, scheduling something, writing something down, taking a breath, or simply telling the truth out loud.

How I Forgot

So why did I stop using such a simple and effective tool?

It’s embarrassingly simple… I merely forgot.

For years, I was married to someone with the same training, so the language and practice were built into my daily life. But this one tool alone isn’t a magic marriage saver, so after seven rough years together we agreed to an amicable divorce. After that I moved, and hit the reset button, having to make new friends and find myself all over again..

The people I became close to were lovely, brilliant, good-hearted people. But they didn’t have the same tools. They could comfort me, encourage me, and relate to me, but they couldn’t always help me get off it.

For a while, I thought that was enough.

The Cost of Not Being in Communication

Then one of my closest friendships fell apart.

The issues between us had been building for a long time, but without a shared practice of being in communication, neither of us really addressed them. It all erupted at once and cost us both our primary emotional support structure and first line of defense against negativity. We repaired things on the surface, but the underlying foundation of trust was still in ruins, and so from there we grew apart.

Losing that friendship also meant that without realizing it, I became more isolated inside my own head.

The Realization

Recently, I realized I have been On It for years about almost everything: my work, my friendships, my house, my boyfriend, my body, my eating habits, my self-care, my mindset.

Everything, apparently, except my wardrobe, which has somehow remained a reliable pleasure in my life.

With the influence of social media distracting us from real connection, and surface friendships becoming more normal I fell into this trap of focusing on the wrong data and chasing the wrong dream. It was as if I’d forgotten all my Landmark training and how to be empowered regardless of the circumstances, and it was making me truly unhappy.

But once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it.

The Fix

Thankfully I remembered what was missing. This simple distinction that I could so easily follow if I was willing to put my embarrassment aside, and so I started reaching out.

I invited a few trusted girlfriends over because I needed to get in communication. I had to be truthful about what had been going on and why.

Someone once told me “our minds can be dangerous neighborhoods. You don’t always want to go in there alone.” and I’d been spending wayyy too much time there, by myself, in dark corners, trying to go it alone. And sure, I’m a self-cleaning oven in many ways, but being in dialogue with a committed listener, someone you know cares, beats having to self-clean every time.

The outcome was incredible, and exactly what I needed. I was able to talk through things that had been weighing on me and every person I spoke to gave the same comforting feedback, I went from feeling alone with my problems to feeling like I had a team cheering me on. It was a game changer.

The New Practice

Now I’m putting the words “On It” next to certain people’s names in my contacts. These are the people I trust to help me get clear, not by indulging my spiral, but by listening for the bigger picture of who I am and what I say I want.

Sometimes getting off it means venting.

Sometimes it means problem-solving.

Sometimes it means taking an action.

Sometimes it means saying the thing out loud so it stops living like a ghost in your nervous system.

Either way, I’m remembering something I should never have forgotten:

Being supported by people who can handle your authentic self is pretty rad.

Pretty rad indeed.

Why I Happily Drove 90 Minutes to Slice an Apple

This winter, during a Swedish Death Cleaning project, I found myself staying alone with my cat, Genesis, in an adorable rental for a month.

After a full day of travel and moving in, it was nearly 6pm and I still hadn’t eaten anything. All I wanted was a sliced apple and peanut butter. So I scoured the kitchen looking for a chopping knife, but all I found was silverware and cooking utensils.

I assessed the situation:
“I’ll be here for a month, and I need a knife for food prep. It’s also important that I properly take care of myself and my environment so I can perform at my very best for my client. The property owners are away, so my only option is to go buy one.”

I evaluated my options:
Goodwill, Facebook Marketplace, Walmart, and Williams Sonoma — each had their pros and cons.

Goodwill’s selection is always an unknown and sometimes an adventure, but their prices are unbeatable. They were only six minutes away, but not open until the following day, so they were out.

Walmart would allow me to get a full set of basic-quality knives for a decent price, but I knew I’d hate using them, and I’d probably end up gifting them to the rental afterward anyway, which felt like money poorly spent, so they were out too.

Facebook Marketplace was my next stop, but I’d need to find something high quality, reasonably priced, nearby, and from someone willing to meet like… now. I found listings that met some but not all of the criteria, so after twenty minutes of searching, that option was out too.

Williams Sonoma was the farthest and most expensive option. (Sur La Table was closer but already closed and didn’t carry the knife I wanted.) But Williams Sonoma guaranteed something else: quality, reliability, and the certainty that I’d enjoy using whatever I brought home every single day for the next month.

I have a set of reliable Wüsthof Classics at home, but you can’t even see the name on them anymore. My mom gave them to me when I was 24, and I’m 42 now, but they were hers for decades before that. To call them vintage is probably an understatement, but it’s also a testament to their lifespan, and one more reason I could justify the splurge and finally start a set of my own.

I decided on the Wüsthof Classic Ikon 6” Chef’s Knife and drove the 45 minutes to the location that was open until 9pm, still with no food in me.

I’d been warned by many Google reviews that this location was tough on its customers and often rude so I armed myself with my best smile and waltzed in.

To my surprise, I was greeted immediately and kindly, asked if I needed help finding anything, and swiftly responded:
“I’m looking for the Wüsthof Classic Ikon 6” Chef’s Knife… not to be too specific or anything,” rounding off my decisiveness with a blush and a chuckle.

The associate brought me over to the display case and I happily pointed to the one singular knife that would become my everything throughout the next month. She went to retrieve it from the back room.

Only she came back empty-handed.

“I’m sorry, we don’t have that one in stock.”

She asked if there was another knife I’d be happy with, and we did this dance as I jumped from one size to another, and from brand to brand. (I’m sorry, but I stopped at the hollow steel blades. I like weight to my knives.)

Eventually she apologized profusely, offered to order one for delivery, and asked if there was anything else she could assist me with.

I replied, “I literally drove 45 minutes for this knife. I haven’t eaten all day and really, all I want is to cut an apple.”

So we moved over to the computer and tried approaching it from another angle, checking what the inventory system claimed was in stock.

While considering larger sets on sale and a few more brands, a manager casually suggested she check the drawer underneath the display case.

We both walked back over like kids on a treasure hunt and I pointed toward the little locked door with the keyhole at the top.

“I’ve never even noticed that before,” she said as she tried key after key until one finally opened it.

Two small doors swung open to reveal a drawer labeled:
Wüsthof Classic Ikon.

Excitedly, she pulled it open while I practically threw my hand toward the single box labeled “6” Chef’s Knife.”

“That’s my knife!”

She was just as happy as I was. We’d both learned something that day- about the store, about hidden drawers, and probably about my dedication to getting exactly what I want.

I checked out with the biggest smile on my face and genuinely enjoyed every single time I used that knife during my stay at the rental.

The knife made it home safely and now sits in the drawer beside my mother’s old 6” chef’s knife. One day it’ll have its own siblings in supportive role sizes and hopefully live in a second kitchen I intend on having someday.

And to say I’m glad I skipped Walmart is an understatement.

Ironically, the very next day I still went to Goodwill and found the most darling ceramic fluted mixing bowl, which doubled as my fruit bowl at the rental before eventually coming home with me as a gift for a friend who loves baking. (And yes, I told them it came from Goodwill. They love a good find.)

The morals of the story?

• Buy only what you love, you’re the one who has to live with it.

• Spend your money wisely and on things that will last.

• And, get things that have as much utility as possible, those are the things you’ll use 80% of the time (think the 80/20 rule) and enjoy every minute of it.

The Irony (or in this case Ivory) of the story?

On googling the knife to link to it I realized the series also comes in an off-white called Creme!! Now I’m swooning over it and wondering if I should exchange and start a set in white instead!!

The Silent Ways Objects Shape Us

This could also have been titled “What Crawling on the Floor Taught Me” but we’ll get to that soon enough…

Ergonomics, as I understand it to be, is about the human body’s flow and movements as it relates to the objects we encounter throughout our day, and how those objects encourage or discourage alignment and harmony within the body. Simply said, it’s how things move you, or limit your movement.

When we think about the things we surround ourselves with, we often evaluate them based on the most obvious question: does it do what I need? A chair, for instance, is a place for someone to sit. But then we take it a step further and assess if it’s comfortable, often plopping down in it for a moment as if 30 seconds will accurately inform us how well it will fare after a four-course dinner with friends. Then we assess its aesthetics — will it match the room, the table, the style, the other fabrics in our palette, our tastein general? Or, if you’re someone more inclined to see beauty in design first, you may have been drawn in initially by that aspect alone, regardless of whether you even need a chair. (Does it sound like I speak from experience? I speak from experience.)

The point is, everyone has a list of criteria. And I’ve worked with quite a few people whose list contains only one: Use. That is, until they hire me to help identify what isn’t working in their space and I point out all the ignored qualities about their belongings that are quietly working against them. That’s when they start taking the expanded criteria list seriously.

It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about a dining room chair, bar stool, coffee table, mixing bowl, dish towel, blender, or bedroom mirror, or bath towel- every item you select to live with (or build your home with) has physical properties, methods of use, limitations, and required maintenance that shape your life, often unknowingly.

I’m reminded of when I took Landmark’s Wisdom Course led by Joyce Pike. Our homework one weekend was to go home and explore the physical world around us. The question we had to answer the following day was: “What do all objects have in common?”

The exercise was meant to have us looking at things from all sides — not just visually, but physically and experientially too.

As I now recall, I did this exercise when I was married to Ryan, and his brother Dustin was in the course with me. Dustin and I ended up crawling around Ryan’s tiny apartment examining everything from floor level, eventually bumping heads like little cubs while Ryan sat there recording us in disbelief asking, “What are you two weirdos doing!?” It was genuinely hilarious, and if I could access my old hard drive I’d absolutely include the video (PS. Anyone really good at soldering chips and restoring defunk PCU boards?).

The following day, as we sat in the course, everyone tried to answer the question of what all objects have in common. People suggested many theories, but the lesson was intended to show us how objects shape us. They alter our way of being in ways we often don’t even realize.

For instance, if a bed is five feet long and a person is 6’2”, their feet are going to dangle off the bed when they sleep, which won’t lead to a good night’s sleep, which can then domino into any number of consequences.

The idea wasn’t meant to disempower us as humans or blame objects around us for our bad moods. It was merely an exercise in a grander lesson, but it stuck with me. Ever since, I’ve noticed the silent ways our belongings impact us, which dovetails perfectly with ergonomics.

Ergonomics, which I recently learned is also called Human Factors Engineering, is meant to avoid physical strain and injury, maximize productivity, and fit the person. This is why it’s applied so heavily in professional environments like Google. But this thinking also belongs in the home because, at its best, it creates environments that allow people to focus on what they’re doing in the moment. That leads to mindfulness, room to be creative and spontaneous, more intuitive routines, better problem-solving, and relationships, plus often better health outcomes. Imagine how all this positivity and work-ability ripples out from one individual onto those around them!

We like to poke fun at the most discerning people — the ones with a very long list of criteria — but those people are often thinking beyond the basics and into deeper levels of compatibility. At least, I believe that to be true because that’s how I evaluate things my clients are considering. I look beyond aesthetics and ask whether something aligns with their psychology, physical realities, lifestyle, habits, ambitions, limitations, and ultimately, the future they’re stepping into.

Because ultimately, our homes are not just collections of objects. They are Environmental Scaffolding that either support the way we want to live, or quietly pull us away from it.

Facing your Small Closet

Small closets sound like the most awful injustice, especially to us fashion forward people, but in today’s world where freedom and agility are the power-move, a capsule wardrobe is like a secret weapon.

I know all too well how hard it is to pare down, especially when we live in a climate with four very distinct seasons, but unless you work at Vogue, and even then, the likelihood is you don’t need as much variety in your closet as you think.

There is the common 80/20 rule (there’s even a clothing brand named after this theory) that says you wear twenty percent of your wardrobe eighty percent of the time. This is what gives us our favorite sweater, pair of jeans, suit, sundress, or reliable pair of sneakers—those items we feel utterly ourselves in. But then we also love to have those outlier pieces for that one-day-someday event, like a western party we swear we’ll be invited to, or that pair of super cute but uncomfortable high heels we need just the right occasion for—and those are the items that are subtly ruining our mornings.

Our lives are not spent in the outliers, they’re spent in the everyday eighty percent, so part of the key to loving a small closet is loving a small wardrobe.

What’s the most effective way to create more space in a small closet?

People usually think of storage solutions or ways to cram more in, but the best way to create more space is with more clarity and less clutter. To do this I suggest starting with what I call Shop Your Closet - a process of culling and curating a whole new wardrobe from what you already own. Bonus—it’s free, and you can do it without leaving home.

What should you remove from your wardrobe? Anything that doesn’t check all the following boxes:

• Fits your current size ✔️

• Flatters your shape and height ✔️

• Works for your skin tone (you should wear your clothes, the clothes shouldn’t wear you) ✔️

• Allows you to move comfortably (even if it’s a tight fitting piece) ✔️

• Feels current, classic, or aligned with your personal style ✔️

• Is in good condition (no holes, stains, fading, or excessive wear) ✔️

Some garments will leave because of just one reason, and that’s okay.

What’s the mistake all people make when organizing a small closet?

Thinking that they need more than they do.

How can people make use of the vertical space in tight closets?

Too many people rely only on the hanging rod and ignore the space above and below it. If you have a shelf over your hanging rod, use it for folded items or out-of-season pieces in bins. Under what’s hanging, there’s often room for shoe racks or a small set of drawers.

What organizing products are actually worth buying?

Bins are essential for storing out-of-season items - under the bed, on high shelves, or in other closets. Drawer organizers are great for grouping delicates, jewelry, or accessories.

Some“solutions” to avoid:

• Drop hangers that store multiple garments vertically. Unless you have the closet height and are using them for off-season clothes you dont need access to, they do more harm than good.

  A friend of mine bought these recently and immediately noticed the pitfalls. These are really only good for people who don’t need them, because to open one up you have to have the room on your hanging rod to do so, which means pushing your other clothes to the side, and if you have the room to do that, then you have the room to keep these items hanging directly on the rod itself to begin with, eliminating the need for a system like this.

• Hanging cubbies. They take up too much room, fall down, and rarely stay level unless perfectly balanced. They’re also hard to fill because they dont stay in place unless the weight in them is significant. Most items you’d put in them could be stored more efficiently in other ways and would likely make better use of the space.

What daily or weekly habits will keep my small closet organized long-term?

I tell my clients that the key to good organization is The Two P’s -‍ ‍Purge & Put Things Away- this means letting go of what no longer serves you and making sure everything else has a home, aka, a place where it lives and always returns to when you’re doing using it (I like to think of it like this…from the items perspective, unless it’s at work doing its job, it wants to be home resting and relaxing. PS. this framework works really well with kids- they like the story and emotional element).

So if you’re doing the job of purging weekly, than the daily habit is to simply put things away. If we break it down further…

Daily: Do a reset. Put things back where they belong - before you leave or before bed. Put laundry away immediately to avoid buildup and wrinkles.

Weekly: Be a constant curator. For example: If you’ve had something all season and haven’t worn it once, you can probably part with it. Once you decide to let something go make sure it leaves your house within 5 days.

Can I still shop?

Absolutely! I’d never rob a fashion lover of their love of the hunt. Just make sure you dont bring back a huge haul you have no room for- unless you’re willing to adhere to the 1 In 1 Out Rule which is that for every item thatenters one must leave. There’s nothing wrong with shopping as long as you’re buying versatile staples you’ll wear and love. But when that moment arrives that you realize you’re wearing only the same 20% again that’s when platforms like Poshmark, ThredUp, or your local consignment store become your best friend to help you recirculate that 80% you’re not wearing. Buying and selling secondhand lets you own better-quality items while keeping your clothing budget in check not to mention the environmental benefits- yay Planet!

Any other closet organization tips?

Don’t be afraid to go custom. When I lived in NYC, my then-husband and I shared one modest closet. Since he had the height and I didn’t, we split it into a top and bottom zone with rods at different heights. We used the Elfa system from The Container Store, but there are plenty of options now, some that will design and install for you.

Whatever your budget, there’s an option—it just needs to work for how you live.

And my last bit of advice for those teenie closet owners is…Don’t get closet envy, because there is a dark side to the walk-in-closet too!

I hope you use this advice to love your wardrobe, your closet, and your fabulous, sexy self!